Progressive Wednesday

The TGIF Movie Review: The Matador

Before I really begin this review, a big, big, oh-so-big slab of thanks to the woman working at Blockbuster who, while helping me find this flick, told me to look under “M” for “Matador” and not “T” for “The.” What ever would I have done without her?

So, now, the review. The Matador is easily one of the funniest flicks to come out of 2005; there were moments where it was hard to catch my breath I was laughing so hard. This film stars Pierce Brosnan as Julian Noble, an assassin-for-hire, who runs into Danny Wright, played by Greg Kinnear, a down-on-his-luck salesman. By random chance, they bumped into one another in a Mexican hotel bar, and they subsequently begin an odd, but useful, friendship. Julian takes Danny to a bullfight, shows him how to kill a man, helps him through a bind, and then, six months later, shows up at Danny’s doorstep in need of a big favor. Danny, reluctant but indebted, obliges.

While The Matador is definitely a dark comedy, there’s an underlying tension: righteousness versus ruthlessness. The two, the film seems to argue, are closer than we care to imagine, blurring together when we think they’re separate. Danny’s a businessman and Julian sees himself as the same, creating another theme: Machiavellianism as a way to make gains.

But while the story is fresh and fun with its serious undertones, it’s Kinnear’s pitch-perfect squirming, and Brosnan’s killer delivery of hilarious dialog that make this an absolute must-see. So, here’s just a sampling of some of Brosnan’s lines (these ain’t safe for the kiddies):

• “I’m as serious as an erection problem.”
• “I look like a Bangkok hooker on a Sunday morning, after the navy’s left town.”
• “I need a break. There’s no retirement home for assassins is there? Archery at four. Riflery at five.”
• “An assassin without confidence is a horrible thing to behold. It’s like a relief pitcher who fumbles the ball.”
• “My handler, Mr. Randy, contacted me the way he always does, through an ad in the International Tribune looking for cat sitters in Bali.”
• “I didn’t mean to weird you out. I was wrong, please. I just get paranoid sometimes. I’m drunk. I’m tired, and I’ve just been fornicating for the past two hours.”

Check it out… it’s under two hours:

This Wednesday: Butt Out, Buddy

Problem:

I’m not going write this Wednesday without making a confession: there have been two times in my life when I regularly smoked cigarettes (between 1/2 a pack and 1 1/2 packs a day). Each time was brief (don’t worry, Mom), and both times I quit, quickly and cold, though not without struggles.

My buddy Pete, a former 15-year smoker, put it to me this way: “After a couple of days the nicotine is out of your body, then it’s just whether or not you’re a pansy.”

Even though it was mainly easy (but not-so breezy) for me to put out my last butt, I can see how people get hooked and hold onto the habit: it ain’t just chemical. It gets hard-wired in our brains in association with food, work, sex, travel, socializing, and escape. And those are six pretty damned good things.

But (you knew there was one coming, right?) none of those are a good enough reason to start or continue. Is there a good one? Of course not. Every smoker and non-smoker knows this. Should you be allowed to smoke? Probably Maybe. But should you? No $%&@*!^ way.

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Make Progress:

There are three ways to make progress this week: stop smoking; help someone else stop smoking (just email the post to your pals); educate yourself on smoking for your own sake and the sake of others.

• Quit
• Watch
• Look
• Protect

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Quit:

In case you or yours actually need to know why quitting would be a good idea, here goes:

1. According to the American Cancer Society, “smoking is responsible for nearly 1 in 5 deaths in the United States.”
2. And it ain’t just lung, larynx, and mouth cancer staring us down, my people. Smoking is directly linked to cancers of the pancreas, cervix, kidney, stomach, pharynx, esophagus, and bladder.
3. Of course, cigarettes don’t only bring about cancer. Smoking is a major or contributing cause of (in alphabetical order): aneurysms, asthma, bronchitis, emphysema, heart disease, pneumonia, and stroke.
4. There’s more: smoking increases your odds of bone thinning, hip fractures, peptic ulcers, and (get this) cataracts.
5. In the year 2000, 8.6 million Americans were suffering from “at least one chronic disease due to current or former smoking.” Says who? Says the Centers for Disease Control. Just for comparison’s sake, let me just mention that there are 8.1 million people living in New York City.
6. How many known carcinogens are in cigarette smoke? 43.
7. And as if we needed to know another reason why the tobacco behemoths dump nicotine in cigs, there’s this: “nicotine, when inhaled in cigarette smoke, reaches the brain faster than drugs that enter the body intravenously.” We’re all about sticking it to these companies whose goal it is, quite literally, to addict us and destroy us.
8. And on top of all that, cigarettes are freaking expensive.
9. Oh, and they make your breath stink like a burning tire.

But quitting, as I know, is easier typed than done. And why is it so damned difficult? Because, according to the U.S. Surgeon General, “the pharmacologic and behavioral processes that determine tobacco addiction are similar to those that determine addiction to drugs such as heroin and cocaine.” You read that right: cigarettes are like heroin and cocaine.

Look, I’ve quit myself, and I’ve fired up again. I’ve watched my friends struggle through this addiction. There ain’t nothing wrong with asking for some help, so here’s some from:

• The University of Texas
• The American Cancer Society
• The Centers for Disease Control
• SmokeFree.gov
• The Surgeon General

Or just call this number: 1-800-QUIT-NOW.

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Watch:

Need more umph for you or a pal? Give these pair of thetruth.com videos a whirl.

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Look:

Look, friends, we were going to post three or four or five pictures here of diseased lungs, gangrenous legs, cases of mouth cancer, and laryngectomies, but… well, two things:

1. These photos are so peel-your-eyelids-back gruesome, we didn’t think it would be appropriate for a place we consider to be rather PG, maybe PG-13.
2. These photos made us want to power-puke.

So, our advice to you is this: check it out for yourselves if you want to. If you smoke, it’s a must. I’ll wager dollars to donuts (and I really dig donuts) that you’ll seriously consider a self-imposed cease and desist order for cigarettes (or your tobacco product of choice). And if you don’t smoke, well, hell, these photos will do two things: keep you from ever, ever, ever, ever smoking; convince you to get your friends who stink like old ashtrays to kick the habit before they kick ye old can.

And where might you find some of these not-so-fun photos? Here, here, here, here, and here. Please, please, please don’t say we didn’t warn you. We did. In fact, we’ll warn you one more time: this stuff is messed up, kids.

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Protect:

This sucker is threefold, but we’ll focus on the most unusual of the three:

1. Do yourself a favor and steer clear of bars and restaurants that still allow smoking. (There are only 22 states that allow the former and 20 the latter.) Secondhand smoke kills ya. You’ve made it to adulthood and still need proof? Just click here.
2. Try to keep your kids away from secondhand smoke. Wanna know why? Read this, baby.
3. Protect your pets.

If you’re not worried about yourself and you don’t have kids, at least consider your furry and feathered friends, because besides saving your own hide from cancer, emphysema, and breath that smells like a cadaver, here’s another reason to leave Marlboro country:

“There have been a number of scientific papers recently that have reported the significant health threat secondhand smoke poses to pets,” said veterinarian Carolynn MacAllister of Oklahoma State University. “Secondhand smoke has been associated with oral cancer and lymphoma in cats, lung and nasal cancer in dogs, as well as lung cancer in birds.”

Cats living with smokers are also twice as likely to develop malignant lymphoma, a cancer that occurs in the lymph nodes and that is fatal to three out of four cats within 12 months of developing it.

Studies have also shown that dogs living in a smoking household are susceptible to cancers of the nose and sinus area, particularly if they are a long-nosed breed, because their noses have a greater surface area that is exposed to carcinogens and a greater area for them to accumulate. Dogs affected with nasal cancer normally don’t survive for more than one year.

Birds are also at risk for lung cancer, as well as pneumonia, because their respiratory systems are hypersensitive to any type of air pollutant.

While I’ve heard some interesting arguments for banning smoking outright, I still fall on the libertarian side: as long as you’re not harming me (which means no smoking in public places, thank you), you should be allowed to do, for the most part, whatever you please. This study, though, complicates things: where does a person’s right to harm themselves end and the rights of an animal begin? The same goes, even more so, for kids.

So, will I smoke a cigar the next time one of my buddies gets hitched? Despite my better judgment, I probably will. But ask me this: Will you smoke that stogy in front of Weasley, Eric’s Cavalier King Charles Spaniel? No sir, I won’t. Why? Not just because I don’t want to harm the poor thing, but because what in the hell is his puppy doing at a wedding reception? That’s just not right.

Sounds great to us; sounds deadly to whales.

Here's one of those things that might slide underneath the radar sonar of even the most conservation-minded progressive.

According to a report by the scientific committee of the International Whaling Commission, one of the world’s leading bodies of whale biologists, the evidence linking sonar to a series of whale strandings in recent years is “very convincing and appears overwhelming.” Despite the broad scientific consensus that military active sonar kills whales, the use of this deadly sonar in the world’s oceans is spreading.

The first time this came up was in the Bahamas when the United States Navy conducted a training exercise during which they used Low Frequency Active (LFA) sonar. Shortly after, whales from four different species beached themselves on the nearby islands. These whales were there because of massive bleeding in their brains and ears. Beaked Whales, observed in the Bahamas for decades, have not been seen there since.

How load is that sonar to a whale?

Some mid-frequency sonar systems can put out over 235 decibels, as loud as a Saturn V rocket at launch. Even 100 miles from the LFA system, sound levels can approach 160 decibels, well beyond the Navy’s own safety limits for humans.

In other words, it's like standing under a twin-engine jet fighter during take-off, except that marine mammals don't have those noise-canceling headsets that air traffic controllers have.

It's easy to overlook this practice because we are, and rightfully so, sympathetic to our military. But I believe that there can exist a balance between safety and environmental stewardship, even for the brave men and women in our armed forces. And as more nations join in this practice, it becomes more important to stop it.

The Natural Resources Defense Council has put together a petition to send to the Secretary of the Navy, Donald Winter, asking him to take the following measures:

• Put rich marine mammal habitat off limits.
• Avoid migration routes and feeding or breeding areas when marine mammals are present.
• Listen with passive sonar to ensure marine mammals are not in the testing area before switching on active sonar.
• Establishing appropriate safety zones around ships transmitting sonar.
• Reduce the source level of sonar signals at nighttime and in other periods of low visibility.

These are very reasonable measures to keep our Navy safe from attack and prevent marine mammals from suffering a horrible death. So please find 30 seconds in your busy day to join me in signing the petition. Then if you want to learn more, and this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg, check out this video, narrated by Pierce Brosnan. It’s heartbreakingly horrifying.

The big three, part ii.

As the Mamas and the Papas put it: “Monday, Monday, can’t trust that day.” So, in our continuous quest to help you trust Mondays more, here’s today’s trio o’ art.

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First up: Art 21. This is a PBS serious now in its fourth incarnation highlighting contemporary visual artists. I’ve enjoyed this “documentary” a great deal: I’m a bit of a modern/contemporary art fanatic (the MoMA and the Albright-Knox Art Gallery are my museums of choice). Art 21 Season 4 airs on October 28, November 4, 11, and 18 at 10 PM (EST).

Check out the trailer to get a taste….

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I’ve been thinking back on my years in Columbus, Ohio (nearly a decade), and I can’t think about my time there without waxing nostalgic about beating a confession out of my drums for six different bands. Two of my former outfits — Jack Diesel and Lower Lights Burning — kicked the crap out of “Can’t Hardly Wait,” a tune recorded by the band Paul Westerberg fronted, The Replacements.

The Replacements were notorious for getting intensely drunk before gigs, drunk to the point of falling down on stage, unable to remember lyrics. I wish, wish, wish I’d seen this, but at the same time, thankfully, I lived it: at one of my gigs, our lead singer Jimmy, lover of whiskey and all things beer, literally plummeted into my kit mid-song, sending a crash cymbal flying, slicing open the hand of our bassist. It was, in all seriousness, fantastic. So here’s to Jimmy, and here’s to The Replacements.

Besides all of that, I love the lick that drives the song, and I dig the lyrics ’cause there’s something urgent in the closing chorus that just rings true. So here’s a sober Mr. Westerberg and his backing band playing “Can’t Hardly Wait” on Saturday Night Live. (My apologies for their suits and the bizarre antics of the drummer… just listen, yo.)

(I can’t embed the video here so just click this sentence to give it a spin.)

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Because a little nepotism goes a long way, I thought I’d highlight three photos I adore, all of which were clicked by James Robinson, our very own photography editor.

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To see more of his work, just click this here sentence, baby.

Clergyman Charlie: On Retirement

People handle retirement differently. Some want to live in past glories. Others want to press on. A few don't want to do anything at all. The latter remind me of the old joke about the man who was asked what he planned to do after retiring. He replied, “I think I'll just sit in my rocking chair on the front porch and watch the world roll by.–

His friend answered, “I think after a time you'll get bored with that.–

The old man said, “I've thought of that. After a year or two I may start rocking, back and forth, back and forth.–

In my opinion there aren't many people who want to do nothing. But I've met a few who wish the glory of their former life continued. I can give a few examples.

One is the old guy who still wants to tell you what a great quarterback he was for the high school football team. Evidently that was the highlight of his whole life. Another is the lady, once beautiful, who thinks in her 70s she can still wear the same style of hair and mini skirts that might have looked better on her when she was 20.

And I've known some people who had a job like mine, called Regional Minister, who hold annual retreats and use letterhead identifying themselves as “Regional Minister, Retired.–

Personally, I think it is far healthier to close one chapter of your book of life and move on to another one, maybe an entirely different one. Maybe you can do something you never did before, but something you care about a great deal. You don't have to worry about titles or moving up the ladder anymore. You just find something you believe in and go have fun doing it.

The TGIF Movie Review: A Life Less Ordinary

A Life Less Ordinary, as its title seems to suggest, evades the typical niching done by movie reviewers. This flick is a drama, a black comedy, a crime caper, a romance, and a fantasy. I’m betting I’m leaving a category or two out. It’s all those meshed, molded and morphed into one of my favorite films of the past decade or so. I’ll say from the outset that this movie has its narrative flaws (and maybe a little unnecessary hyperbole), but I’m willing to overlook those for the sake of engaging adventure.

The story goes a little like this…. Robert Lewis — played brilliantly by Ewan McGregor — is a janitor under the employ of Mr. Naville, a stinking rich businessman, who cans Robert and replaces him with a floor-cleaning robot. After getting dumped by his girlfriend shortly thereafter, Robert goes, well, he goes ballistic, grabs a gun, busts into his former boss’s office, and kidnaps his daughter, Celine (played by Cameron Diaz). Meanwhile, God sends two angels, O’Reilly (Holly Hunter) and Jackson (Delroy Lindo), to help Robert and Celine realize that, while chaos has pushed them together, they might actually be a good fit. Hunter and Lindo are fantastic in this flick, serving as hilarious comic foils. Let’s just say the story goes equal parts weird and wonderful from there….

Thankfully, A Life Less Ordinary was written and directed by the dudes who brought us Trainspotting (so just imagine that bizarre and frenetic movie with a bit of hope and zero heroin). In the wrong hands, this could have become sentimental doggerel. Instead, we see, as the plot unfolds, that by bucking conventions A Life Less Ordinary manages to blend the true elements, good and bad, faced by any pairing of two people.

And if all that weren’t enough, this flick offers up a variegated soundtrack that helps put the pieces together. It includes: Beck, The Prodigy, The Cardigans, Bobby Darin, Elvis Presley, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Oasis, and Luscious Jackson, one of my favorite bands from the ’90s. The scene that uses R.E.M.’s “Leave” is worth the price of, well, there’s no admission really since you’re gonna rent this sucker, so it’s worth the price of Blockbuster, maybe some homemade popcorn if you’re so inclined, and a couple Diet Cokes.

Check it….

As American as– ¦

Apple pie, amber waves, baseball, hot dogs, the Fourth of July, SUVs, the iPod, Reader's Digest, and comic books. While not all of these are synonymous with the good old red, white, and blue, they are all things have become a part of everyday life for many of us residing somewhere between “sea– and “shining sea.– For better (baseball and Reader's Digest) or for worse (SUV's and hot dogs), we have come to think of many of these things as essential, and we even take them for granted.

There are many Americans who would love to take these things for granted like the rest of us, but for whom that becomes harder and harder with each bullet that flies by their head and with each roadside bomb that sends them diving for cover under their improperly-armored vehicle. I speak, of course, about our troops.

At Progressive Wednesday, we're not the kind of Patriots that drive around with yellow ribbon magnets on our car that say, “Support Our Troops.– We want them home, pronto, and until they're home, we search for ways actually make their lives easier and safer. In March, we dedicated a Wednesday to doing things that actually support our troops; you can check it out here.

In our searches we have come across a website dedicated to just that. The appropriately named, HereInReality.com has compiled a list of organizations and programs that make it easy for those of us who don't risk our lives for others with every step to help out those who do. Some cost a few bucks, some a few minutes, and some just ask you to utilize a small talent. From baking cookies, to donating a magazine subscription, or even fostering the pet of a deployed troop, they make it as easy as, well, apple pie.

It's important that our troops get a taste of home, that they can step away from the constant surrealism of war and bury their nose in a book, or remember what's it's like to bite into Grandma's cookies, until they can do it once again in the comfort of Grandma's kitchen.

So skip on over to HereInReality.com. Then see what you can do to improve the lives of those who have sacrificed so much to help improve ours.

Picture thanks to this fine baker