Progressive Wednesday

Monday Morning Motherhood: Spare the Rod

My last column was about discipline, a subject I'm continuing to cover this week. I previously wrote about time-outs and teaching, and my personal use of and success with these tools. Now I'd like to delve into the subject of spanking, a topic that tends to be controversial. My views may not be that of your own, and I certainly don't think that my perspective is the only valid one. I don't feel that physical punishment is appropriate. As adults, we aren't allowed to hit each other, so why on earth should we hit our children? That said, studies have shown that over 90% of parents of toddlers admit they have spanked their kid at least one time, so I may be in the minority here.

The argument over whether to spank or not has gained further momentum by some recent articles on MSNBC and LiveScience. An article in LiveScience also gives an analysis of homes in which children receive physical punishment. Homes with books and educational games are less likely to use corporal punishment. Homes in rural areas and the South are more likely to spank. The economic status of family doesn't seem to make a difference in whether or not kids are spanked. Moms are reported to spank more than dads do, and boys get spanked more than girls do.

In California, Assemblywoman Sally Lieber has introduced a bill to make it illegal to spank children under 4 years old. The punishment for this misdemeanor? A year in jail and/or a fine up to $1000. Though I'm not sure why children over 4 years old shouldn't be offered the same protection, I think this is a great bill. We need to show our children the same respect that we expect of them. We wouldn't tolerate them hitting anyone, so we shouldn't tolerate us hitting them.

Research has shown that children who behave better and have fewer behavior problems come from homes with increased intellectual stimulation and a “teaching– approach to discipline, rather than a physical one. Physical punishment, in the long run, doesn't work. While it may curb bad behavior temporarily, teaching your child the correct behavior is what is going to make a difference down the road. Also, put yourself in your child's place. Wouldn't you prefer not to be hit? Wouldn't discussing the behavior and thinking of alternative behaviors be more palatable than being hit? I sure as heck (maybe even hell) think so.

Our children, to pay homage to Ms. Houston, are our future. What we show them and how we behave has an enormous impact on their lives, and in turn, the lives of others. So why not show them that talking and teaching are much better tools than hitting and yelling? Violence begets violence. Show them that violence is not the proper tool to convey frustration and anger. Teach them to use their words. Words have the power to change the world and make it a better place. Besides, these are the people that will one day pick your nursing home. Be nice to them. Don't you want the home with 24-hour shuffleboard and cute nurses? I thought so.